1234, Main Street
Boston, MA 02123
09 April, 2005
<Recipient Address Goes Here>
Hello,
I have found the perfect use for your publication. I wad it up and use it as backing when I patch holes in my wall. I feel a little guilty about subjecting my termites to your trashy content, but then again, they’re only termites. I hope that makes my contempt for your (newspaper/magazine) clear. I tried using pages to housetrain my <your pet>, but even <he/she> won’t have anything to do with you.
Regards,
Robert Anderson
encl: <List of enclosed items goes here>